I'm really missing cosplay.
I'm having enough fun reading, watching Julien's streams and just chilling, but I do really miss planning out a new costume, adding thousands of little details for something, painting props, even sanding.
I definitely want to continue with it, but to find a job that could support me (pay my rent and food and such) besides Uni AND pay for cosplay stuff as well? This is going to be such a rare thing, if even a possibility at all, in Estonia.
I've promised myself to try and get at least one cosplay done per year. I'm really hoping I can manage that - I'm not going to live in an empty apartment after all. But I'm really hoping to get a job that will also take my situation into account and try and arrange something that we both could deal with. I mean, that would be humane. I realize that most companies just don't understand that, even though no companies are made without other human beings.. so you know.. we're all humans with our own dreams here. If I could stay alone and get money like that, I would. I honestly would. It's just not happening right now, so I have to deal with other people...
Oh well.
I am really enjoying watching Julien play PuBG at the moment, though. All of his videos, really. I really want my computer here already. I can set it up really nicely, since I even have a table to my name. What a shocker. That's the only piece of furniture I have, though. Oh well. So then when I come back with my PC I'll set it up real nice and see if I can get a camera from somewhere to start streaming a bit. Build up a little community of my own, maybe. Just stream for an hour a day at first or so, as long as I have the time, won't cost me much (just the internet connection) and any cent I get out of that would help me immensely. Of course, streaming when you have to work AND go to Uni at the same time probably won't work much, but I'll try and get some regular youtube videos out then, maybe.
The thing is, I've tried to start so many times on the yt videos, and something always kind of stops me. I don't ever get a whole video recorded, no matter what style or setup I try, and I guess I'm always surrounded by people. It kind of puts me off, I realized. I really need like my very own space where no one can just barge in, and where I don't have a certain time-rule, where I know I'm alone, and after that someone comes home. Having such a limit is really putting a stopper on my motivation to actually do the videos, and I honestly can't wait to have that space that's my very own, just for me. I've never had that before. For almost 25 years I've always lived with someone, in someone else's house or apartment, and I honest to god don't want to anymore. I really don't want to. I need some actual me time now. I think I've earned it after 25 years. I think I have. I hope I have.
So there are decisions everywhere. Once I have settled in in Tallinn, I'll have the decision of whether to stream or to film a regular video or to plan out a new cosplay, or just to play something, or watch videos, or read a book, or or or... there are so many things I really want to do and too little time to do them. Also usually too little money. Life really does suck sometimes.
So I'm making a decision of finishing this post for today and focusing on listening to J&J's podcast.
See you tomorrow then!
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