Ignorance as a concept is one of the worst things you could do to a person.
Whether intentional or not, the fact stays that when you ignore someone, that person will feel hurt. Inevitably.
Especially nowadays in our broad social media and virtual presence lives, when we are constantly online and we can also see everyone else, where they are, when they were last active on Messenger/Facebook, what video game they are playing currently - it's so incredibly conducive for someone to become more and more obsessed with staring at a small screen in their hands, trying to figure out why the person, who was, according to Messenger, clearly active just 10 minutes ago, or even worse, "Active Now", is not answering your messages from last night. Or from the day before that. Or even just from 15 minutes ago.
It drives me slowly crazy. My mind keeps on returning back to the unread message. The small blue ticks that show they clearly received them, but never read. The reason why they are actively using their phone/computer to access FB and/or Messenger, and yet seem to be ignoring me.
It drives me crazy in a way where I start hating myself because I think I'm not even worth one lousy answer. It's hurtful when one person does that. However, when a bunch of different people, mostly all who have no direct ties to each other, suddenly all ignore you... what am I supposed to think about that? Where am I supposed to take that?
Which is why I am currently contemplating actually just removing myself from Facebook, Messenger, Whatsapp and all other internet-based social networks on my phone. Not deleting my accounts. I feel like I want to leave something behind. But just uninstalling the apps. All of them. And not installing them back.
They make me feel worse most of the time. It's very rarely when I actually get happiness out of them. Genuine happiness that is.
So I think I'll try and use my phone as what it's supposed to be - a regular, old, normal phone. No internet. No messaging apps. Otherwise I'll just keep on crying my eyes out for thinking I deserve to be ignored for whatever reason that I don't know of. Oh how I hate the way my brain takes small things and blows them up into epic bubbles of drama. I hate the fact that I can't control this part of me.
I'll stay on my computer. I don't want to leave Youtube and my favorite creators there behind. That's become my TV. But no more phone shenanigans. I never log into FB on my computer anyway, which is at least good.
Social media in the end has more cons than pros for me. Maybe it's different for others out there, but this is what it's doing to me. And I hate it. So I'm getting rid of it.
And done. I'm done. No more internet on the phone except for checking the bus timetable or looking up in google maps where to go. That's it.
Bye.
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